If you’ve ever felt really angry, you know that feeling afterward when you wish you hadn’t blown up. You promise yourself you won’t do it again, but then it happens all over. Anger can make us act without thinking straight. After we calm down, we realize we didn’t handle things well.
But here’s the deal: Anger isn’t always bad. Sometimes, it helps us stand up for ourselves or fix things that are wrong. The problem is when we get too angry and don’t handle it well.
Anger management is all about learning to deal with anger in a good way, not just getting rid of it. First, we learn to notice when we’re getting angry early on. Then, we learn ways to calm down.
Understanding Anger Imagine your brain is like a big dam holding back water. If you fix the cracks when you first see them, you can stop the dam from breaking. But if you wait too long, it’s hard to stop the water from flooding out.
Catching Anger Early One way to catch anger early is by paying attention to how your body feels when you’re starting to get mad. We call these “anger warning signs.” Once you notice them, you can use techniques to calm down, like taking deep breaths or stepping away from the situation.
Anger Warning Signs After completing an anger thermometer, you will have learned several of your anger warning signs. These are the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that will tip you off that you’re starting to feel angry, before you’ve snapped. If you had a hard time coming up with your own anger warning signs, try asking someone you know well. You might be surprised at how many of your own anger warning signs they’ve noticed, but you haven’t.
Anger Management Techniques When you’ve managed to catch your anger early, you’ll have the opportunity to start using anger management techniques. First, know that there are no magical skills that will bring your anger from an “8” to a “1” with the snap of your fingers. They do take work. However, the anger management techniques we are going to share are strongly supported by research, and they will help if you practice them.
Take a Timeout This one might seem obvious, but it can be a lifesaver when used well. Learning to take a timeout can be especially helpful for couples or families who get into fights where everyone is angry. You already know how to take a timeout (just walk away; take a break!), but we have a few tips to make this technique become a game changer.
Deep Breathing Breathing exercises are a core component of any anger management training. They are simple, very effective, and can be used anywhere at any time. Deep breathing works by countering the fight or flight response (our body’s response to a threat, which contributes to anger), regulating our central nervous system, and distracting our thoughts.
Stop to Think Sometimes, if you can catch your anger early enough, just stopping to think will be enough. Changing your thoughts about the situation will also change how you feel, and in turn, what you do.
Common Misconceptions There are some myths about anger, too. Like, punching a pillow might feel good in the moment, but it doesn’t actually help. And just because you’re mad doesn’t mean you should say everything that comes to mind. Sometimes it’s better to cool off first.
Learning to manage anger takes practice, but it’s worth it. It helps us keep calm and deal with tough situations better.
Additional Resources
Check out these additional resources if you would like to continue learning about anger management.